Making Lives Simpler - Free email Newsletter

Practical News and Tips
for Living the Life
You Truly Desire

In This Issue:

I. Like Your Dislikes

II. Five Quick Tips

III. Their Quotes

IV. References

V. Resources

I. LIKING YOUR DISLIKES

Not too long ago, we looked at the definition of assertiveness. We explored how to express your feelings, stating and asking for what you really need, and saying no to something you don't want.

In this issue, I'm going to suggest that your life will be simpler when you begin to "like what you dislike." While some might think this is a contradiction to the concept of assertiveness, it really is complementary to this and other behaviors that will help you make your life more peaceful and calm.

Most upsets arise from being rigid about what we like and dislike. For many of us, it isn't uncommon to use the phrase "I don't like this or that" throughout the day. And for the majority of the time, I have found that this refrain is targeted at small and inconsequential actions of others. For instance, I've said, "I don't like how my clothes are folded," and "I don't like how the dishwasher's loaded."

I can hear you now - "She has someone who will help fold the clothes and load the dishwasher - how can she possibly complain!?!" And actually you're right. So are my comments just a part of a bad habit.do they come from my control issues.are things like these really important?

What about you? Do you complain to yourself or others at work when someone consistently taps a pencil on the desk? Do you quietly grumble when talking on the phone to someone who is obviously distracted doing something else? Does it bother you so much that you have to rearrange something someone else arranged? Do you seethe inside when someone takes the newspaper apart and organizes it by sections? Do you feel that rise of anger when you've been cut off in traffic, had someone rush ahead of you to get to the shorter check out line, or been honked at the moment the traffic light turned green? What is it that causes you to say "I don't like it when.."

All of these things can be so upsetting. And if these petty issues bother us, how do the bigger trials affect us?

Life is certainly anything but peaceful and simple when there's such a drive to have things a certain way. This continuous energy to have things be a predefined way can just end up making us insecure. It will definitely disrupt our relationships and it certainly can succeed in alienating others.

So I looked at my dislikes, my need for things to be the way I thought they should be. And I began to practice "liking my dislikes." The end result is that I can now more readily laugh, and even been amused, at how "creatively" my husband loads the dishwasher. Sometimes, I just close my eyes and fit in whatever else I can, and then run the cycle without having to rearrange anything. However, the most important thing is that I no longer get irritated and I actually focus on and more fully appreciate the help that he is giving.

I've also discovered that sometimes other people just don't care the same way I do. For example, my husband (who is the same wonderful person who also helps with the laundry by folding some of my clothing neatly yet in a fashion that I wouldn't!) isn't fazed at all about whether our bed is made or not. It doesn't bother him at all. He could leave it unmade forever. I, on the other hand, don't like the bed unmade - it bothers me. In this case, "liking the dislike" meant that I realized it wasn't important to him, never would be, and in reality, that this is really a very small issue. Therefore, I make the bed every day for me, because I like it made up. Most important is that shift from being irritated because he never helped make the bed to not thinking about it all any more or spending any more energy on the issue. I just make the bed.

These may seem like pretty simplistic examples, however, many things we tend to dislike are indeed pretty small. Now, whenever I find myself starting to get irritated, I ask if I can just simply like what I dislike in that moment.

"Liking your dislikes" doesn't mean saying yes to anything or everything people say or do. If someone wants you to do something that is in no one's best interest, or something you feel is wrong, it is necessary to be assertive and say no. The point is not to weaken your good judgment. It is to become more sensitive and understanding to others' needs and less insistent about our own which are often only rigid likes and dislikes in disguise.

Practicing "liking your dislikes" will help you on the path to being more flexible. You'll be more calm, and you'll be growing and gaining strength for facing challenges more worthy of your important efforts and energies. You'll have more success in being appropriately assertive and asking for what you need because you'll ask for the things that are really important to you instead of minor and petty items and actions.

More often than not it costs us nothing to like our dislikes. Try it yourself. You'll find that you are growing, gaining strength for facing more difficult challenges, and continuing to simplify your life.

Warmly,

Linda

II. FIVE QUICK TIPS

1. What is one simple thing you can start liking that you dislike? Is it the way a companion parks the car? The way they clean up or don't clean up? Start with one thing and see what shifts in your energy in your behavior.

2. When you are in conflict with others, try to look at their needs as your own. Will it really "cost" you something to allow them their need without judgments?

3. When you find yourself saying "I don't like." try stopping in that moment and ask yourself what would happen if you simply liked this dislike.

4. Watch and acknowledge changes in your feelings and physical comfort levels as you begin to ignore the power of disliking certain things.

5. Once you've practiced liking what you dislike with your close family and friends, try practicing it with someone you actually dislike.

III. THEIR QUOTES

"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice." - Anonymous Source: myfamousquotes.com

"Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg." -Anonymous Source: myfamousquotes.com

"To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction." -Isaac Newton Source: motivationalcentral.com

IV. REFERENCES

From the back cover: "Nothing can be more important than being able to choose the way we think - our feelings aspirations, and desires, the way we view our world and ourselves. Mastery of the mind opens avenues of hope. It means that we can begin to reshape our life and character, rebuild relationships, thrive in the stress of daily living, become the kind of person we want ourselves to be. Conquest of Mind provides practical tools and tips to enable you to refashion your mind and character."

To find more references, go to Self-Help Books.

IV. RESOURCES

Hypnosis Audio Downloads
The Power of Hypnosis is now available from the privacy of your own computer.
The downloads listed below have all carefully crafted by professional hypnotherapist educators with proven track records. Just click on the title below and order now for only $8.95 per download - with discounts for multiple purchases!

Stop Negative Thinking Now
Negative thinking can make all sorts of things incredibly difficult. They can sabotage your self-belief, your confidence and your achievements. Stop Negative Thinking teaches you a model for assessing the effects of your thoughts and changing them, plus it helps you on an unconscious level by showing you how to let negative thoughts drift by without taking any notice.

Make Positive Thinking an Everyday Habit
Positive thinking is a huge asset. Even when your experience seems to be negative, there is always a positive, such as what you learned from your experience or the way hard experiences can make you stronger. Positive thinking enables people to see the positives where others cannot.

Linda Manassee Buell is a full-time Personal and Business Coach and Consultant through her company Simplify Life.

Linda is the author of the tips booklet, "Simplify Your Life, 101 Ways to Create the Life You Love," the audiotape, "Simplify Your Life, 7 Simple Strategies for Doing What You Love to Do," and the workbook, "Simplify Your Life: A Journey of Personal Discovery," and has published the second edition of her book, "Panic and Anxiety Disorder, 121 Tips, Real-life Advice, Resources & More."

To order your personal copy of any of the above by check or credit card, just click here.

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The contents herein are solely the opinions of Simplify Life and Linda Manassee Buell.

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